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19 October 2009

like a story or heart flow..

What do you feel when people around you begin to think you turned into a negative figure?
transformed into a figure more "wild", rude, bossy, or something like that, and your presence with a figure like that VERY NOT EXPECT?

and you just can not keep quiet, try to introspect ourselves, what people hold blasphemy, what people hold accuse you, trying to control yourself.
you can only "eat liver", resigned to see people start talking about you in the back, hold back your emotions turmoil, hold back the tears that might hint of nearly spilled.

you reflect for a moment, hugging a bolster on the bed, staring, not sure what doing, you try to wreak all that's on your mind with the cry, cry and cry.
you suddenly remove your tears, you're mad at yourself!

the figure of "you" above is not me. maybe my fantasies.
I do not feel like it, but people feel like that.
indeed .. people who judge, and I accept it all.
moment I just can not keep quiet. do not know what to talk. do not know what to do.

This moment I began to feel tired. knackered!
maybe no one know it.
they can only see the laughter that almost always there on my lips, expense and they may hear as a stupid joke, an attitude that there was no change.
but they never know what I feel.

I miss my family, I miss my mom who was always able to listen my story, I miss my father who always can make me laugh, I miss my brother who was always playing with me, I miss them all, they could accept my situation, after all that.
I need to figure them ..

now, or maybe tomorrow, I'll never know what will happen.
but I can only hope, this is not to be a barrier.

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