27 October 2009

what happen to me?

apparently I was wrong when I say my tears tonight was not much, in fact getting more and more tears tonight I spend, whether what I have in my mind, maybe I'm too much keep this feeling, but in fact I've loved so bad.
I cried tonight.
crying so hard, until I stop myself confused.
dizziness was already struck me, because crying did not stop.
stop Karla! please stop!

(not) ending

I'm sad, very sad, maybe this is the saddest experience after the death of my grandmother.
last night I had to write all the writing on my blog about me and my relationship with someone, I want to start something new with confidence, I want to maintain my relationship with trust.
but now, I can only read my article below with only a hope, I feel nothing, I feel like a fool.
I finished the relationship, because my own stupidity, I am a little sorry.
My tears come down again this time, maybe not too much than yesterday, it seemed like I was getting tired with the activities I cried and cried.

now I can only hope this decision is good and fair to me.
Karla hey, life is still long! you should use it!
live your future with your intentions, your best future is in your grasp itself kar!
maybe it's time to study, work and make my parents proud of me.
I am strong, I can go through this, I believe it.
This feeling is not a barrier for me, but it was enough to hinder me, I'm sure I can go through all this with my own self.
271009, 20.20

26 October 2009

just want to write

maybe now I can breathe, my problem is complete as I expected, although I had to shed tears AGAIN.
loving someone is not an easy thing for me, maybe it was a most difficult thing for me, when I love someone I will keep that feeling.
I know, when I began to love someone, I would be selfish, possessive possible, or even too protective, that's my ugliness.

My character does not believe, suspicious, stubborn, high prestige, not to be outdone and even pampered can make for my own peril.

in my current relationship, I met again with a man I love, maybe I was already too bad.
do not know what made me like that, that affection comes suddenly, without seeing how these people.
this one is the same guy with me, last child, a spoiled, headstrong, high prestige, and others.
only difference in lifestyle.

trust becomes a very important thing to him.
different from mine, which is very hard to believe with a guy (knowing I had been betrayed and it was very painful)
I often fight with this guy because of trust issues.
trust becomes a thorny issue for us.

now, I try to instill confidence back for him (and hopefully he can keep it)

271009, 00.03

just like a hoping

last night I just had a small problem affecting a very complicated, I am also confused about why can be tricky like that.
impact, my mood was very good changed to worst, it's going mad, even to sleep became very agitated. the anxiety that I finally fell asleep.
the gravity of what I was restless dreams brought to me and the results are very disappointing, it's a nightmare for me (hopefully not the same as reality)

now I got a little quiet, maybe because I had just met with my friend and a little storytelling.
I do not know what will happen later, but I really hope everything will come back fine.

19 October 2009

like a story or heart flow..

What do you feel when people around you begin to think you turned into a negative figure?
transformed into a figure more "wild", rude, bossy, or something like that, and your presence with a figure like that VERY NOT EXPECT?

and you just can not keep quiet, try to introspect ourselves, what people hold blasphemy, what people hold accuse you, trying to control yourself.
you can only "eat liver", resigned to see people start talking about you in the back, hold back your emotions turmoil, hold back the tears that might hint of nearly spilled.

you reflect for a moment, hugging a bolster on the bed, staring, not sure what doing, you try to wreak all that's on your mind with the cry, cry and cry.
you suddenly remove your tears, you're mad at yourself!

the figure of "you" above is not me. maybe my fantasies.
I do not feel like it, but people feel like that.
indeed .. people who judge, and I accept it all.
moment I just can not keep quiet. do not know what to talk. do not know what to do.

This moment I began to feel tired. knackered!
maybe no one know it.
they can only see the laughter that almost always there on my lips, expense and they may hear as a stupid joke, an attitude that there was no change.
but they never know what I feel.

I miss my family, I miss my mom who was always able to listen my story, I miss my father who always can make me laugh, I miss my brother who was always playing with me, I miss them all, they could accept my situation, after all that.
I need to figure them ..

now, or maybe tomorrow, I'll never know what will happen.
but I can only hope, this is not to be a barrier.

05 October 2009

she's right.

who is she? she's my friend, but she's like a sister for me.
she has told me about something, about a relationship, like a clue maybe.
i never believe what she said.
but now it happens to me.
when it happened to me, i direct to remembered her.

she told me 2 months ago, "now you never worry what your bf has done, you never think with you heart everything he said to you, you always angry when your bf jealous with your friends, you always think that he excessive with you, but 2 or 3 months later everything will reverse"

that's just a words for me.
that's nothing.

now it happens!
yaaaaaa it happens!
hahahaa karma is back guys!